We're Gonna Make It
by callhersnix
Summary: Santana and Kurt head off to live in New York together due to an idea Brittany and Blaine had to keep their relationships strong. While this story is mostly set in New York, the Brittana and Klaine relationships are the core of it. Humour with Kurtana.
1. Prologue

Prologue

If there was one thing I was not exactly banking on happening after graduation, it was agreeing to move to New York with one Lady Hummel. Sorry, he hates it when I call him that. Habit, I guess. One I'm trying to stop doing. _Kurt._ I moved here with Kurt.

So apparently Britt and Blaine had the "brilliant" idea that since they were staying in Lima, which they had no control of, and both of us were off to New York, we might as well go together. Britt told me that then there'd be no chance of any mix ups. I knew by "mix ups" she meant cheating but she needn't worry about that. Why would I cheat on Britt?

I had a slight feeling that it was Blaine's idea, after the whole 'It's Not Right But It's Okay' thing, I figured they'd been having problems. Whatever, if it made Britt happy, it made me happy. Besides, knowing Kurt's obsession with cleaning, maybe he wouldn't trust me to do the dishes.

What I really wanted to know was when Britt and 'The Gel' got so close anyway?

Regardless, I guess it wasn't a bad idea and with the money saved up our parents, it'd been a pretty easy thing to do.

One thing Britt and Blaine did not exactly take into account was how we'd get along in New York. I mean, sure I'd helped him with the Head Bitch Warbler during Michael week and I guess I saved his ass with the whole Bully Whips thing but had Kurt and I ever been 'friends'? That, I'm not so sure about.

"These?"

"No."

"What about these ones, then? These are nice?"

"Veto."

"Santana, you can't 'veto' curtains."

"Uh, yes you can, Hummel and I just did. What's wrong with plain curtains anyway?"

"Brittany would like the decorated ones." he cocked his head to the side and half pouted at me.

"One: you're right but it's not fair using that against me, and two: what you're doing there with your little lady pout, that's not cute. Get any curtains you want, I'm getting a coffee. You want one?"

So things were going fine between us in New York. I was actually enjoying his company and knowing it would settle Brittany back in Lima, I was willing to make it work.

No, living with Kurt was fine. It was moving there was the most hassle, getting everything on the damn train. Why he needed three suitcases was beyond me. I took half my clothes and planned to buy more when I got there. Having Britt help pick the ones I'd take with me was an afternoon I found _more _than fun.

Although there were problems with transportation, the hardest part was leaving. Lima was everything knew, most of my memories were there. My family was there, my friends, _Brittany._ As funny as it sounds, having Kurt with me was like a blessing: a small part of Lima was coming with me. Not only a small part, but a freaking fabulous part.

We didn't say goodbye properly until we got to the train station, both of us kind of thought that if we didn't talk about it then we could escape it. That all of it would go away, but it was stupid. It took me all I had in me to leave that morning. In the end, I could have stayed if I wanted to, nothing was making me go to New York, not like Berry. Nothing was making Kurt stay either and from the way he looked that morning, I'm surprised either of us set foot on the train at all.

"I'm gonna miss you baby." I said as I saw tears stream down her face.

"You promise to always think of me don't you? You promise? No matter how many hot girls there are in New York, you know I'll still be here right? You promise?"

"I promise," I nodded, gripping her hand tightly. In attempt to make things a little more light hearted I said, "Nobody could be hotter than you anyway. And none of that matters, what matters is that I love you. I love you Britt."

"I love you more San." she shook her head and let the tears fall some more. I forgot about the people around us and kissed each one from her face, whispering 'I love you' over and over again until Kurt was tapping me on the shoulder, telling me I had to go.

She looked me straight in the eyes and all I could see was blue. Blue oceans, skies, dazzling sapphires as her perfect dazzling eyes. No wonder she had me wrapped around her little finger, eyes like that. "I promise." I said again before kissing her deeply on her lips.

"Love you." she spoke timidly before I turned away from her, stepping onto the train, unsure of why I was even going there in the first place.

We sat in our allocated seats and neither of us spoke until the train had pulled out of the station.

"New York here we come?" Kurt turned to me with a small smile. I could see how much he was trying to stay positive and happy. I knew he'd miss Blaine just as much as I would miss Brittany. I guess that's why we work so well in New York, we know when to turn on the Gossip Girl re-runs and when to leave each other alone in our rooms. We work, we just do.

"New York here we come." I smiled, wrapping my arm around his shoulder and laughing slightly. I felt a buzz in my pocket and was unsure about whether to look right away. But I did.

**2 New Messages: **_**Britt. **_

I felt a pang in my heart and opened the conversation.

** I wanted to say this before but couldn't. You know that chokey feeling you get in the back of your throat when you're crying? I had that, so I couldn't talk. But I can type and I will because I need to say this. You're going to have it all, Santana. You're going to be great in New York. You, Rachel and Kurt. Don't feel bad that I'm still here, I'm going to work hard and pass this year. I'm going to graduate. Then me and Blaine are going to join you and Kurt in New York. We're gonna do this, San, we're gonna make it.**

** I love you.**

** Tell Kurt that if he tries it on with you I'm going to burn all his clothes and shave his head and then I'll shave Blaine's.  
**

** Yours always, Brittany. **

The next message wasn't a message at all, it was a photo of the two of us in bed that very same morning. She was smiling at the camera while I was kissing her cheek. I don't know if it was the photo or the message but I felt tears prick my eyes as I set the photo as my wallpaper.

Kurt looked up from his magazine and smiled to me, "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied, a shake in my voice, "yeah, for the first time today I actually am. We're gonna make it."

"Yeah, we are." he smiled and returned his gaze to his magazine. I took his hand and strangely it didn't feel odd. He smiled again and gripped tightly.

New York, here we come.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

So now here I am sitting in my apartment alone, all alone. I tried calling Brittany like five times but received no answer, I roll my eyes at the fact that she's still in school and I'm here with nothing to do until I go to work at eight. Sometimes I hate not being in school.

Ha! Even I can't lie about the lack of accuracy in that statement.

If Kurt hadn't been so charming and nabbed himself that job in the theatre running after actors or whatever then he would have been here with me. And I wouldn't be alone. I think about Britt, just like I do every moment of everyday just like I promised her. Honestly, there hasn't even been any slightly tempting offers from people in New York. And even if there were, I wouldn't do anything. That part of me is gone, just like my toleration of men.

I keep clicking my phone, frowning as I do. Why won't she text me back? I know that should be a good sign, that she's concentrating on something else, like working. But I can't think that with her so far away and me so damn lonely.

"You know your face will stay like that." I feel myself jump and I see Kurt smirk at me as he opens the door. He dumps his bag on the chair nearest the door and walks towards the kitchen area, "Coffee?" he asks me, a broad smile on his porcelain face.

"Please." I look back to my phone and end up scrolling through old photos, waiting for some sort of sign that my girlfriend is actually alive. Meaning, I'm waiting for a text or phone call. Stupid school.

"A watched kettle never boils." he says, turning on the kettle.

"Don't watch it then." I kick my feet on the table and lay back, stretching out my back.

"No, I mean your phone," I pull a face at him and he laughs, "never mind. It means that just because you keep watching your phone, doesn't mean she'll text back any quicker."

"Oh," I nod, throwing my phone onto the other chair, "that better?"

"Much," he giggles, reaching up to the biscuits and laughing more as he struggles to get it, "help me?"

"No." I roll my eyes again and go to pick up my phone.

"Santana." he looks from me to the phone in my hand with his eyebrow raised.

"Shut up, I like having it on me OK?" I unlock the thing again. No texts. Great.

"Fine, but don't mope all day, OK?"

"Your attempts at humouring me are embarrassing, Hummel." I laugh slightly, taking away the sincerity with which they were meant.

"Yeah, sounds like you're really unamused." he begins to walk over to me and hands me my coffee with a grin, "Face it, I'm hilarious."

"Whatever."

"How was work?" he asks, blowing on his coffee gently.

"Shit." I reply honestly, "I don't know why they bother opening it until night. It's just a waste of time."

"It's money," he annoying points out, "and we'll always be needing that." He smiles and turns the TV on.

"I guess," I roll my eyes and turn to face the TV, "but if one more guys chats me up over his morning beer I'm quitting."

"You wouldn't do that, you love the attention." I roll my eyes again. Living with Hummel does that, makes me roll my eyes constantly. He wasn't wrong though.

"True," I admit, wondering about whether I should let Kurt in more, let him know more about me. Figuring we'll be living together for at least the next year I guess there's no harm in it, "I just wish there was a certain blonde giving me it."

"Come on," he smiles, shaking my leg, "she's really trying for you. To graduate, to make you proud."

"Anything she does makes me proud." I could almost kick myself how sentimental I'm being, I'm never like this except to Brittany.

"I know, but this is something she needs to do. She needs to graduate, San, and I think it's really great that she's trying so hard."

"I know, and I'm proud of her for trying, I couldn't be happier for her. I just wish she was here too, you know?"

"You know I know," he laughs again before looking around the room. I realise he's looking at the photo of him and Blaine on the wall, of course he knows what I mean. "Did you know Blaine is tutoring her in English?"

"Yeah, she told me that she'd asked him last week but that he didn't know whether he could. He thought maybe she knew more, since she took it all last year. Clearly he didn't know how many classes she skipped last year."

"Yeah, I almost forgot she was in our class for a while actually, now I see why." I nod along with a smile on my face but inside I'm not smiling. I feel guilty, if I was in the classes, why wasn't she? The ones she did attend she was laughed at when answering a question wrong, I don't blame her for not bothering. Especially since I never really encouraged her too. "It's not your fault you know." What, is he reading my mind?

"I know." I sigh and look up to him to see his eyes plastered onto my face, "I just wish I did more for her. For us."

"Hey," he pulls a face and grabs one of my hands, "you did a lot. You think nobody noticed you going over equations with her before glee practice? Reading her books she needed to know? Talking in Spanish? You did enough, Santana, you were going through it all too."

"I guess." I run my fingers through my hair and sigh again, I just wish I did more. Still not used to being sensitive with Kurt, I look up to the clock and pray that it's almost time for work. Much to my dismay, it's still only two thirty. Another five hours before I have to leave, brilliant. "Hey, why aren't you at work?"

"Dance rehearsals; no need for me running around for coffees." he sits back in his chair and watches the programme playing on the screen. It's not fair, everything that's happened to him. Sure he's in the city of his dreams and he still has Blaine rooting for him back home, but what happened with Berry choking at her audition? I thought that was it, you audition for something and then your result is based on that audition, no do overs, no re-runs. From everything I've heard, Kurt smashed his audition and the Whoopi looking woman said she was impressed. Shouldn't he have gotten in over Berry? I don't know, but what I do know is that this guy shouldn't be running after people on Broadway, he should be _on _Broadway. And I'll be damned if it doesn't happen for him.

What's even more surprising is how chilled he seems, but I know he isn't. The walls in this place aren't thick enough to give us total privacy and I've heard him on the phone to Blaine, crying about things that have happened. But he always manages to be cheery, to cheer me up. I don't get it, why do bad things happen to good people?

And can someone tell me when the hell I grew a soft spot for Kurt Hummel?


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Finally, a text from Britt.

**You will not believe this. I know algebra. Not someone called algebra I mean the math stuff. Blaine taught me that x and y are like pretend numbers and you have to find out what the numbers are. It's so easy! **

My heart swells. Sure it's later than I would have liked to get a reply but she's been studying, with Blaine as well. Something about that makes it even better in my eyes, that she was studying with a gay guy. Not that I don't trust her, I do, I just... I'm a little possessive OK? I think I'm allowed since I'm like a million miles away.

_**Proud of you baby, Kurt taught me how to use the washing machine today. Seems we both learned something. **_

I want to say more, but I preferred Skyping for talking. Texts never really say much. As though she is reading my mind she replies, **Skype now?**

_**Sure, turning on the laptop in 3...2...1.**_

She doesn't text back and she doesn't need to because now I'm looking at her face. The bags under her eyes tell me she's not slept much, I'm guessing it has something to do with the math test she has on Thursday but I'm hoping it's not wearing her out. I don't mention it. We don't talk for a while and just sit smiling at each other, I like that, time to look at my beautiful girlfriend.

"Hey," she almost whispers. I notice she still has her Cheerios outfit on and it takes me back to my time there. Time spent either eyeing up Brittany or being lifted up by Brittany. It was a good time, telling the truth I kind of miss it. But everyone says they miss High School don't they? Once they leave and are out of the shittiness of it all. When you don't need to be reminded everyday how utterly crap it all was it's very easy to say you miss it and that things would be easier if you were back.

"Hey," I reply, smiling widely at her. I love Skyping with her before work, it makes long shifts at the bar whole lot more bearable. Not that I don't like my job, I love it! Long shifts mean more money and my hot bod and constant turning down of overgenerous, horny men means more tips, I'm living the good life. Not to mention the opportunity to perform. Sure it's not Broadway and I doubt I'll ever get there but it's a start and it's better than nothing.

"You two are too cute," I notice Kurt has stopped watching the TV and has turned to simply watch my face. "The closest Blaine and I get to that is FaceTime."

"But it happens?" I ask.

"Of course it happens!" he laughs and turns back to the TV. Privacy. Kind of.

"How's your day been?" she asks. She looks like she doesn't want to talk, like she just wants to stare at me. I kinda feel the same way, but talking can be fun. Especially watching her cute little reactions when I tell her something about my day. That's why I prefer Skype to phone calls and texting, it makes our conversations seem more real, like she really is still here with me and not in boring Lima, Ohio.

"Well work was boring, there was nobody in to serve except that pervy guy who keeps his eyes constantly glued to my tits." One funny facial expression, "But then it was fine, had a pretty good conversation with my boss. Its his wife's birthday tomorrow and he doesn't know what to get her so we spoke about that. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend," another funny expression, "so I laughed and told him about you. He said he thought I was gay but didn't want to say anything. I think it's because of how many men I turn down every night."

"What about _all _the women you turn down?" Brittany giggles.

"I don't think he notices those, babe. He doesn't really spot all the lesbians in his club. Average guy you know?" she nods, smiling as she does, "How was your day, before Blaine taught you how to do algebra?"

"It was good. Classes are boring but Coach has been helping me with my English after practice and that's going better. I even read the two books we have to read this year already, I'm ahead of Tina! Can you believe that? She's so smart!" I beam to her, I've never been so proud, "And Mr Schue has me in charge of Booty Camp for dancing in Glee which is awesome. He tells me I can get a dancing scholarship for college. I didn't know I could do that Santana, he says he'll look into it for me. I might even be able to get one at New York with you."

"That's great, B, I'm so proud of you." A blush appears on her face and she nods, "How are your other classes?"

"They're great, now that I'm actually attending lessons." I laugh at that, it's a good point, "And since a lot of my free time was taken up by you last year, I find that I can read in that time and know what we're going to learn about next class. It's all a lot easier now."

"I bet it is!" I laugh though a tang of guilty parrades my stomach, "I'm sorry though."

"Why are you sorry?" she tilts her head to the side and pouts at me like a confused puppy. Except cuter, and more human.

"Because I kept you back last year. It was my fault."

"Don't be silly Santana, it was_ me_ who didn't turn up to class, _me_ who refused to study when you tried to help me with Spanish and_ me_ who insisted we spent all the time together after you'd studied. It was _me_, not _you_ and I see now that if I want to be with you again, I need to do all of this to get there. So I'm doing it. So really, if you think about it, it's _you_ who is making me work harder now. Feel any better?"

"I love you." I say randomly, mostly just because I can. And because I'm proud of her.

"I love you too, San," she pauses, bites her lip slightly, "and soon I'm going to come and see you." A bashful grin appeared on her face, like she had big news to tell me.

"What do you mean?"

"Mom says I get to come and stay with you October break!" she squeals and brings her hands up to her face, "Isn't that awesome? I mean really awesome!"

"Oh Britt, that's great! I can't wait for you to come and see the city, and our place and the bar and where Kurt works-"

"And you?"

"And me." I smile, "Are you sure though?"

"She says it's fine with her if it's fine with you and Kurt."

"It's fine with me if you bring Blaine!" Kurt shouted and began to laugh, "Sorry that I'm listening in but it's kind of hard when Santana refuses to move into her room to talk."

"It's comfier here than that rock hard bed." I roll my eyes and stretch out my leg to kick him.

He laughs, "Don't tell her that or she'll never come will she?"

I laugh slightly at the wording of it, "Oh I guarantee she'll _come, _regardless of what she's _coming _on."

"Ew!" Kurt jumps up and runs around so he's behind me and looking to the screen, "Don't come, please don't."

"If I don't come then Blaine won't come." Brittany shrugs with a little giggle in her voice. How did I, the stone cold bitch of the century, end up being the girlfriend of that adorable little thing. It baffled me.

"Of course Blaine won't _come_, it's Kurt, who'd _come_ for Kurt?" I wink to Brittany and she giggles again. She'll kill me if she keeps doing that.

"This is all very sleazy and not at all the romantic side of you two that I so much enjoy witnessing. Therefore I am going to retreat to my bedroom and try to call my curly headed boyfriend. Goodbye Brittany, I'll text you later about our three way movie marathon yeah? You and Blaine still on for tonight?"

"Sure, he said around eight?" Great, when I'm going to work.

"That's right, when Santana's at work." I hated it when he said exactly what I was thinking.

"See you then," she smiles, waving at him. He waves back and blows a kiss before sliding over to his bedroom behind the kitchen, "love you!" she shouts to him.

"So, how's my little brother doing?"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Walking in to the bar is the same as it is every night. Bloody busy, that's what it is. My boss, Todd, nods his head from behind the bar and waits for me to reach him before reaching for a high five. He reminds me so much of Puck, well, in all the ways Puck is bad. I'd hate to see them meet, it'd be some sort of sex-fest.

Stacy avoids my eye, she still things I'm after her boyfriend, Kurt. Not my (and gay) Kurt, obviously,_ her_ Kurt. Big douchebag with no aspect of personal space. He stinks too, but I'd never tell him that. If it means Stacy never talks to me, he can hug me all he wants.

Lastly, there is always someone I don't know hugging into the side of Todd. What I said about him being like Puck? Yeah, that explains the many women I've seen around Todd, he's not even that hot. Well, I don't think he is. I should ask Kurt when he finally meets him, not that I can't spot a hot guy, hello Chace Crawford. And, as always, I pretend she is the first girl I've ever seen him. Don't think that I'm being a bitch by condoning cheating or whatever, he's my boss and he's kinda saved my ass by giving me this job. I'm under age, and he could get into loads of trouble if the cops found out. So yeah, I lie for him. It's not exactly hard, I was in the closet for two years after figuring out I was gay; I'm like an expert liar.

"Oh Todd, you didn't tell me you were seeing someone," I roll my eyes for only him to see and he quickly frowns to me before smiling to his girl.

"He didn't? Well we've been together long enough!" she laughs and I shake my head at him, he winks at me. Disgusting idiot. I realise she is holding out her hand for me to shake, "I'm Tina, what's your name?"

"He didn't tell you about his best bartender?" I laugh.

"No, he doesn't tell me much, do you?" she prods his ribs. Yeah, you don't know half of what he doesn't tell you. I feel sorry for her, I do, but it's not my place to challenge Todd, he is paying for my life practically.

"Santana," I smile, "I went to school with a Tina."

"When was that, last year?" she laughs. Yes, I answer in my head, but she doesn't need to know that. Like, she _really _doesn't need to know that. She might use it against Todd when she finds out about the other million girls, and I can't risk my job like that.

"No, three years," I lie.

"Really? You barely look eighteen," Well, I'm nineteen actually. Just.

"No, no, twenty-one," Todd shakes his head at me, as if he could judge me for lying! Now I think about it, I guess we kind of rely on one another for stuff. Both lying for each other; him, for my job; me, for his sex life. I think that makes for a pretty successful friendship.

"Cute," she comments. I snap my eyes back to her and it's as if she's undressing me with her eyes. It weirds me out, she is _not _gay. I have the best gay-dar ever.

"Well, thanks," I barely say. I walk behind the bar and tie my hair up, might as well follow one of Todd's rules regarding staff criteria.

"She's bisexual, aren't you Tina?" my eyebrows raise and I turn to them.

"My girlfriend is bisexual," I comment, not really caring anymore, Todd already knows I'm gay. There's only Stacy and this Tina girl who don't know and are in listening distance.

"Your girlfriend?" Stacy asks. Nailed it.

"Yeah, Brittany."

"Does she live with you?" she asks again. This is the most conversation I've ever had out of her.

"No, she still lives in Lima."

"Oh I see," she nods, I wonder if she'll stop being a dick because of Kurt now, "you say your girlfriend is bisexual, you are?"

"Santana?" Yes maybe I am being a bit of a pain too but I don't care. I hate it when people talk like that about sexuality.

"No, I mean are you-"

"I'm gay," I snap. Perhaps I shouldn't have snapped, she was only asking. But I don't know, she's annoying when she's silent never mind speaking.

"Well, I'll distract all the men for you," she winks, bitch, "I thought you were after my Kurty, didn't think you were on the freak team."

"Sorry are you talking about me being gay?"

"Obviously."

"You can say it you know, you won't catch it," she's pissing me off now, my rage was bound to take over.

"Well, I'll just go back over there, there's a man there, don't want to make you uncomfortable, Santana."

"Fuck off," I walk over to the man and serve him his drink. I'm not going to be seen as a man hater just because I'm gay. I always knew I hated Stacy, stupid bitch.

"What is her problem?" I heard her say, of course she doesn't get it.

…

"Kurt!" I shout, he walks into the bar and graces me with a hug before leaning over to whisper into my ear.

"Thought I'd make use of the fake ID you gave me."

"What about the movie marathon?"

"I left them to it, I can do that another night. Guessed you might be lonely?" I don't know if this is right, but I think living with someone gives you a sixth sense, because Kurt always knows when I'm down.

"You couldn't be more right, I'm working with a homophobe."

"Wow, fun," he laughs, rolling his eyes and looks around at my coworkers, "which one?"

"The fat one."

"Santana, there isn't a fat one."

"Oh, must just be her fucking unhealthy personality," I almost yell. I hope she hears. Kurt laughs at me and I point Stacy out to him. To my dismay he walks up to her.

"Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel," he smiles, she narrows her eyes at him and looks to me, "I'm Santana's room-mate."

"I thought Santana was gay?" she kept her eyes on me and I roll mine.

"She is, but so am I," Kurt looks to me and pulls a face like 'What the fuck?'

"Yeah, I can tell, so you're both gay, cool, now get out of my way because I need to serve someone."

"Yeah, me, I was here before him," sassy Kurt. I love it. Stacy sighs and asks him what he wants. When she goes to get the vodka, he turns to wink at me. In the meantime, Todd serves the other guy his drink and Stacy is forced to keep talking to us.

"Brittany is still in Lima with Kurt's boyfriend," I smile towards Stacy. God this is fun.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're helping each other through school," he nods, I hope Stacy thinks he means College.

"Cool, so how is living together?" I think she's given up on ignoring us.

"It's OK," I laugh before saying, "he's a little picky about furniture and shit like that though." Kurt narrows his eyes to me and shakes his head, "What? You are."

"Yeah I am," he nods along.

"It's a gay thing," Stacy says. Kurt sighs and shrugs at me.

We walk away from her to the other end of the bar. No point even listening to her. I notice Tina looking Kurt up and down, she seems uncomfortable.

"Are you gay too?" she asks Kurt.

He smiles before replying, "Yes."

"Oh," yeah I don't think she's bisexual.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend, Tina?" I ask, cocking my head to the side and looking to her.

"No," she starts, looking up to see if Todd is listening to her. He is, so she continues, "but I kissed a girl once, for a dare when I was drunk in high school. Don't know if I could actually _date _a girl though."

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought.

…

I haven't got a clue why Kurt and I are carrying Stacy back to our apartment but we are. This doesn't mean I like her, I _really _don't. But it was Todd's orders, she got too drunk when her shift was over and now can't get herself home. I don't know where she lives so she has to come back to ours.

"Can't we just leave her outside?" I ask Kurt. He laughs at me but shakes his head.

"No," he sighs, "we can't."

"Why? We could say we took her home but she woke up and ended up outside, she won't remember a thing."

"Yes I will," she mumbles. She won't.

"I'm not leaving an attractive woman on the streets of New York when she is this drunk, no matter how homophobic she is."

"Whatever," I answer, I wish Kurt was less of a gentleman, "but she is not attractive."

"It's a shame you're gay, Kurt, you're really cute."

"Thank you, Stacy, but we both have boyfriends if you remember," she nods and falls asleep again. Thankfully, we live close to the bar or you can be sure I would have left her outside.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I think that falling in love is the most odd feeling in the entire world. Let me get soppy for a moment and I promise it won't last long. So sometimes, it feels like you're being punched in the heart repeatedly with a joy so strong that it's hard to believe that such an action could be so painful. Sometimes it feels like you're falling, falling without a net, the only security being the trust which you hold in the other person, or maybe the fear that you hope they'll catch you. And sometimes it feels like you're being lifted from the floor with nothing holding you down, that with the other person around you, you can accomplish absolutely anything.

I look to Stacy on the coach and feel one of these things.

Being punched in the heart repeatedly because I want to die.

By the way, if you thought I was cheating on my love with Brittany then you should stop reading now because I pretty much hate you. I would never do that.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up," I scream in her ear and run around the couch, wanting her to get the fuck up so I can watch my TV. She stirs slightly and I roll my eyes, who does she think she is, being all unconscious on my sofa.

"Do you have to shout?" Kurt walks out of his room and stops when he reaches the kitchen counter. He places his arms on the side and lays his head on top of them, groaning slightly.

"My precious unicorn," I laugh, remembering what Brittany had called him when they were running for President, I walk over to him and stroke his head lightly before snapping his head up to glare at me, "I apologise but we have a monster on our sofa."

"Do you have to be so awful?" Stacy groans.

"I was never awful to you until you started being all homophobic," I roll my eyes and pour two coffees, one for Kurt and one for me.

"You were awful before that, you flirted with my boyfriend," Kurt raises his eyebrows at me and I shake my head, does he actually think I would flirt with a boy, let alone someone's boyfriend? Well, in high school I would have done. I actually fucked someone's boyfriend, but never mind we'll not think about that.

"I don't think talking to him about football and Black Ops qualifies as flirting, honey."

"Should've known you were gay, shouldn't I? With all that guy talk," she rubs her eyes as she sits up, I wish she'd just go.

"Well, whatever, but are you done yet or are we going to have you here all day?"

"Santana, it's only seven thirty," Kurt says shyly.

"I don't care! Why aren't you more mad at her, Kurt? She dissed you, dissed me, technically dissed Britt and Blaine and then just sleeps here like we owe her something, we don't. I came to New York for a reason, to get out of the small town of Lima and come somewhere where me and Britt would be accepted for who we are. And you, obviously. But look, we come here and one of my co-workers treats me with no more respect than anyone in Lima ever did."

Both of them just look at me, Kurt staring a little longer than he should. I don't know why I confessed all of that but whatever, I've done it now. And it's true. People think I'm this grade A bitch and that nothing can hurt me but it can and it does, all the time, and I'm sick of it. Who do people think they are, judging me for something I have no control over?

"I didn't realise-"

"What, Kurt, you didn't realise that I feel things just like you? Well I do."

"No, I know that, I know a lot more about you than you know, Santana," he's right, Brittany has told him more about me than I really wanted her to, "what I mean is, I didn't know that was why you came to New York."

I nod and look to Stacy who still hasn't said anything.

"I'm sorry," she finally says, "I didn't know I was hurting you with what I was saying, I just said it. I'll try harder to not offend you in future. And I think I'll go now too."

"Right, and," I cough, "thank you." She stands up, throws her coat around her shoulders before heading out of the door. I sigh and look to Kurt.

"We need milk," he sighs before sitting on the sofa, "and a new sofa, but you know, I think that'll have to wait a couple of months."

"What do you mean a new sofa?" I look to see him pointing to an empty bottle of beer on the floor and a huge beer stain on the sofa. I groan and storm into my bedroom, I told him she'd be better off outside.

…

"Sometimes, Santana, you're too nice; you should have just left her outside."

"That's what I said!"

"Well you should have, I mean, I don't like being mean but sometimes Kurt is too nice too."

"You're so right, I felt like hitting him too, never mind the bitch," I brush my hair as I talk to her.

"Where is he now?" her voice goes low, like it does before we... yeah, well, anyway.

"At work," I laugh, it's weird to hear her voice like that when I'm nowhere near her.

"And where are you?"

"In my bed," I'm not, but that's not the point.

"Me too," shit, I'm getting turned on already. This is not cool, Lopez, calm the fuck down.

"Well."

"What are you wearing?"

"Britt I don't think I can do this," I laugh a little, "you're so far away and it's just going to remind me of how far you are."

"So just..." her voice trails off and I can tell she's thinking, "help yourself out a little. I know you can do it, you do it to _me_ _so _well."

"Britt-"

"I'm only wearing a bra," I moan into the phone and roll my eyes at myself. I'm so fucking pathetic.

"I can't, no, can we just like, wait til you get here?"

"But it's so long away!" she protests, I can see her in my mind, pouting slightly and giving me her puppy dog eyes. Denying her is a lot easier when we're in different states.

"I know but if we do this I'm going to miss you more than I do now, which I don't even think is possible."

"Are you crying?" she asks.

"No," I am, "yes, I am."

"Why?"

"Because, oh God I didn't want to cry," I wipe my eyes and breathe in, "because I fucking love you and I miss you so much, Britt."

"I miss you too San, so much it hurts."

"I know, that's why I didn't want to be reminded of it. Can we just," I groan, I'm sick of this distance already and it's hardly been a month, "can you just be here now, just to hold me? Just for a minute or two Brittany?"

"San we-"

"I know, we can't, and it was a stupid thing for me to even say and I know but-"

"No, can you just stop shouting a minute and let me speak?" I know I'm in trouble when Britt gets snappy, "I was going to say, we're gonna make it."

_We're gonna make it._

It was what she said to me in the text when I left for New York, it was what I kept repeating to myself before I went to sleep at night, it was what I have, but will never would admit, as my laptop background with a photo of Britt and I as the background. And it was all because it was true. I'd be stupid if I thought we wouldn't get through it.

Besides, I'd spent all that time dealing with Brittany dating the cripple, I mean, dating _Artie, _and came out the end fine. I dealt with all the awful times in the demoralizing closet with Brittany close to opening the doors for everyone to see and hell, I'd even dealt with many dinners with Rachel Berry after arriving in New York. Fuck yeah we're gonna make it, even if it kills me.

"Yeah," I reply, a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth and the tears stopping for good, "yeah we are."


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What's up bitches?" I walk into the living room to find Kurt and Rachel still sitting where I left them about ten minutes earlier. I'd somehow managed to get the night off work and I still don't know how. I wonder if Stacy told Todd about how I'd helped her or something. Whatever, the night off with the same amount of pay. Party on. "Todd just rang, I don't have to go in so, who wants to go out?"

"Santana, we went out last night," Kurt rolls his eyes and lays his feet in Berry's lap.

"No, Kurt, _you _went out last night. I went to work, come on, I wanna go!"

"No, I'm tired, Anna had me running around after her all day. I swear to God Rachel if you don't do something about her soon."

"I can't do _anything _about her, Kurt, she's a pro actor, I'm a first year student. Just because we get on-"

"With your tongues down each other's throats-"

"-doesn't mean I can stop her making you fetch her coffees and waters all day long." Rachel laughs and Kurt just sits there pouting.

"Well maybe you could just tell her you know me? Then maybe she'd back off," he twists his finger around his hair and it makes me laugh, if Blaine were anywhere near he'd be super anal about his hair. Maybe he's become comfortable with me. I don't know.

"Fine, I will put a word in, maybe she'll be nicer," Kurt nods and I sit down in the opposite chair, "where do you want to go Santana?"

"Out," I sigh but I know it's not going to work, there's no way these two will hit the clubs with me. I'll just have to wait for Britt and Quinn for that. God I missed them.

"Out where?"

"To a club."

"A gay club?" Both Kurt and I glare at her, "Hey, I never said there was anything _wrong_ with gay clubs, hello kissing the famous actress."

"That doesn't make you gay, short stuff," honestly, I do think she's gay. Duh, she and Quinn so had something going on. Even if they didn't know it themselves.

"And who says I'm not gay, Santana?"

"Nobody said that but you, sweetie," I laugh and stand up to make us a drink, "want a drink?" I notice Rachel has sunk back into the couch as she shakes her head. I don't want to think I've upset her but I know that I have. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she shook her head, "it's silly."  
"You know we understand, Rachel," Kurt rubs her arm and she lays down so her head is in his chest, she nods and sniffles slightly, "we'll be here when you want to talk. And I'm sure Santana will be nicer until then."

"Can't promise that," we all laugh and they know I'm joking, "but I'm here too, Berry, even if you think I'm a bitch, I do care for you and I can talk like a human."

"Thanks," she mumbles into Kurt's shirt, "both of you."

"Now," I clap my hands together and I can see Rachel jump slightly, "who wants a drink?"

…

She's drunk by six.

"I don't know _why _everyone likes that Shay character-"

"Her name is Emily-"

"I mean when _clearly _Hanna is the hottest," so what? We are watching Pretty Little Liars, we all love it and it's even better when you're drunk.

"Emily isn't the hottest," I pitch in, "Hanna is the hottest."

"Right!" Rachel high fives me and continues to drink from her wine glass.

"I like Spencer."

"I like her too," I nod, she really is cute, "but Hanna is the best."

"It seems we have more in common than I thought, Santana," well isn't that a terrifying thought. Who knew I would have something in common with Berry?

"Yeah, seems like it. But if I were straight, I'd like that Alex guy," I nod my head and watch the TV. Hanna really is the hottest.

"Hey! Alex is mine and you both know that already," So yeah, maybe we have got into the habit of watching it together all three of us. And maybe we do spend our drunken times talking about it. And yeah maybe we are doing both of those things together tonight.

"Sorry Kurt, didn't mean to steal your man," I laugh slightly and have another sip of wine.

"You don't think someone will steal my man will you?" he tilts his head and looks to us seriously.

"I think Spencer has her eye on him, you may have competition," Rachel says innocently, not catching on to what he was actually saying.

"Not him, silly, I mean Blaine," I nod and he sighs deeply before standing up to pace around the room, "I mean come on, we all know Sam is gay and we all know he is hot. Hotter than me. Maybe Blaine will get distracted while I'm away. I trust him, I really do a lot and I know he loves me but-"

"Kurt-"

"It's human nature isn't it? I'm so far away and he-"

"Kurt-"

"He has the opportunity now Mercedes is in Los Angeles-"

"Kurt!" I yell and he stops, snapping his head to see me, "Blaine would never, ever, cheat on you. He loves you."

"I know," he nods, "but what if?"

"If he does, I'll knock him out."

"Don't do that, Santana, I don't think his face could take it," all three of us began to laugh and Kurt sat back down to join us on the sofa.

"Besides," I sigh, "you are way hotter than Sam."

…

"Blaine I don't know what to say," I can hear him on the phone. He's been on for the best part of an hour and he still doesn't know I'm listening to him. I feel kind of bad but eh, there's nothing I can do about it. It's not as if we could afford an apartment with thicker walls, you hear everything in this place, "No, of course I'm happy I just, no don't turn it down," there's a pause, I guess Blaine is talking, "there'll be other Birthdays come on don't be silly. No I know you wanted to come and I wanted you to as well but look at it this way, you do this course and you'll be more likely to get into NYADA," I hear him sigh and hear a creak, he must have just sat down on his bed, "you still get to stay with us though don't you? Good. So when are you coming? Right. And is she still coming with you?" my ears prick up at this point, who is 'she'? "No I haven't told her, why would I do that? It's supposed to be a surprise," oh no you don't Kurt Hummel, you tell me now, "Yeah OK then. I'll see you soon. Love you, good night babe."

I swear if I don't find out what is going on, I am going to kill him.


End file.
